For Tamar

Note: Reading Genesis 38 will give context to this post.

Today was a rough day. It was one of those days where your first meeting starts late and consequently you end up being later and later to everything you are scheduled for. I felt deeply irritated and kept thinking, "I just want to get home and write this post about Tamar".

It seems ironic that I waited all day to write a post about a woman who waited for a lifetime. My day of minor inconveniences is so completely insignificant compared to the life Tamar lived and the weeks and months and years of waiting she endured.

Tamar means "date palm". A seemingly useless fact that I've come to see is at the heart of Tamar's story. In Francine Rivers' book, Unveiled, she writes “[Tamar] was a name given to one who would become beautiful and graceful. A date palm survives the desert and bears sweet, nourishing fruit… it sways in the desert winds without breaking or being uprooted”. A date palm waits for the scorching sun to set, it waits and endures and survives. When Tamar was brought to her breaking point, she lived up to her name by daring to hope in a future beyond her bleak circumstances.

Nothing about Tamar's story seems appropriate to the modern reader, which is why cultural context must be explored before her story can be unpacked.

"Bet ab" is a Hebrew term for a patriarchal household, including but not limited to his wife, children, servants, extended relatives, etc. The patriarch was responsible for the health and wellbeing of those in his bet ab. In return, they were expected to be faithful to him.

"Levirate Marriage" is an ancient near Eastern law that provides a childless widow with a son. The widow sleeps with one of her deceased husband's relatives to honor patrilineal lines. The baby is considered the biological son of the deceased. Additionally, levirate marriage provides for the widow, who, without a child, had no place in society.

This story is complex. Put simply, Tamar is a pagan woman who marries Judah's eldest son, joining Judah's bet ab. God kills her husband. Judah honors the law of levirate marriage and gives Tamar to his second son, Onan. God kills Onan because he sins against Tamar. Judah sends Tamar home promising to collect her when his third son is ready for marriage. He doesn't come for her. Tamar dresses up as a prostitute and sleeps with Judah. She conceives. When her pregnancy becomes obvious, she proves Judah is the father. Judah chooses to honor her and brings her back into his bet ab.

I'm most interested in the moments that the text glosses over. Specifically, Tamar's months and years of waiting, her bravery, and her choice to continue hoping.

I wonder a lot about Tamar. I wonder what her relationship with God was like. She dares to put her faith in God. Not the gods of her childhood, but the God of Judah, her father-in-law. The father-in-law who abandoned her, who disrespected her rights, who threw her away.

I wonder how many nights she stayed up devising her plan to dress up as a prostitute and make Judah her levir. I wonder if it took an hour or a year for her to build up the courage to go through with it. Were there deep bags under her eyes from sleepless nights?

It says something about how grueling and horrible her situation must have been for her to have risked her life. If she was discovered dressed as a prostitute or pregnant, she would be killed because she had been unfaithful to Judah. A double standard that required her to be faithful to a man who was nothing but unfaithful to her.

Her life was dictated by men. At the hand of her father, she was sent away from her religion, her homeland, and everything familiar to her. At the hand of her father-in-law, she was sent back shamed and deprived of the one thing that could give her a future: a son.

I wonder how she got the prostitute clothing. Did she sneak upstairs to her sister's room and take them from her closet? Did she have a sister? Did she convince a fellow servant to buy them for her? If so, how did she keep them quiet?

I wonder what the sky looked like when she walked to the temple gate. She must have left the house early that morning before anyone else was awake to avoid being seen. I believe that in order to act this boldly, she must have had faith in God. She must have believed that she would not be abandoned by God even though his people had quite literally abandoned her.

I wonder how long it took her to walk from her house to the gate. Was it easy to hide the prostitute clothes beneath her widow garb, or did she have to walk carefully, ensuring that nothing peeked out, revealing her secret? Did she stop and gasp every time a twig snapped underfoot? Did she bow her head and hold her breath every time a stranger passed by, praying they wouldn't know her?

I can only begin to imagine her thought process as she walked. Not only did she know if she would be caught, but she also didn't know if Judah would even pass through the gate. If he did, would he be interested in sleeping with her? If he was, would she conceive? There were so many "if"s and yet, it was worth taking the risk at the chance of receiving what was hers to take.

In the end, Judah finally fulfills the very right he'd denied her for so long.

I wonder how she snuck back in the house. I wonder how she put the clothes away without anyone noticing. I wonder how often she touched her belly, praying for a child. I wonder what she thought when she realized she was pregnant. She couldn't tell anyone, she held the secret alone for months. I wonder if she dared to talk to her babies late at night when everyone was asleep.

Judah discovers she's pregnant and declares "she is more righteous than I" (Genesis 38:26). She is returned to his be ab and respected for the remainder of her life. I wonder how old she was at the beginning of the story and how old she was now.

Tamar's story is one of great courage and immense hope. She, like many of the women in Matthew's genealogy, was willing to risk it all for a chance of righteousness and redemption. She suffered years of pain before ever seeing a glimmer of hope. She acted courageously when she had everything to lose. She trusted God to save her, and He did.

Tamar lives up to her name and stood as strong as a date palm in a desert of abandonment, abuse, and anxiety. She endured and bore fruit despite everything being stacked against her.

Tamar was faithful.

Tamar had hope.

Resources:

Rivers, Francine. Unveiled. Tyndale House Publishers, 2000.