For Mary

Reading Luke 1:1-56 & Luke 2:1-21 will provide you with context for this post.

I've been thinking a lot about Mary, how she was blessed, and how the mundane aspects of her blessing might, at times, have felt less like a blessing and more like a pain.

I've never been pregnant. I don't understand what it's like to feel a baby kick or know the feeling of your body adapting to another within. As such, I am fully unqualified to comment on Mary's story. But here I am, writing and wondering about her and her life anyway.

As I've been preparing for Christmas, I'd been struck by this thought: if pregnancy in Jesus' time was anything like pregnancy now, then the first time that God was tangibly felt on earth was through morning sickness. It wasn't a glamorous first moment on earth. It's weird to think that the first time God was tangibly sensed, was through sickness. The God of the universe caused Mary discomfort while she was pregnant with him.

It just made me think of how Jesus didn't come to make people feel comfortable. He didn't come so that people would feel okay with their own sin. He came to heal the sick, those who needed a wake-up call, who needed to identify their sin, grapple with it, and give their lives over to him. He came to show people their sicknesses and lead them to healing and salvation.

Naturally, physical discomfort and emotional/spiritual discomfort are different things, but it's interesting to see how God was born into a world that looked down on His family. People in Mary and Joseph's circle were ashamed of them. They doubted them.

I wonder a lot about Mary's relationship with Joseph.

I wonder if she knew him or loved him or if their marriage was a primarily economic proposition. Did they laugh together? Did he see or feel Jesus kick? Did he talk to her belly? Did Mary talk to Jesus about her fears?

I wonder about the conversation Mary and Joseph had after his dream, I wonder what she thought when she saw him coming to meet her. He had been planning on divorcing her before God intervened. I wonder if she was afraid. I wonder if she felt closer to God knowing that she held the savior of the world in her womb.

I wonder if Mary was ashamed of the location of Jesus' birth. I wonder if she wanted to give the Messiah a better entry and yet had no control over the place, or I wonder if she was in too much pain in labor to care. I wonder if she knew that whatever happened, she couldn't mess up the arrival of God. I hope she did. I think she did. I think she had a faith and a trust in Him that is much deeper than I do. I hope to have a faith like hers one day.

Mary paid a large price to be the mother of Jesus. Her community believed her to be a liar and to have gotten pregnant outside of marriage. She traveled by donkey for hours on end, while in the last month of her pregnancy. She had to birth and mother her own children who weren't perfect like Jesus. She had to face her own humanity and see herself in her children, flaws and all.

And yet Mary is called blessed, she is highly favored. I suppose favor doesn't always feel comfortable or look perfect because our perspective and understanding are skewed. One could argue, then, that favor is God seeing and using you in whatever way He sees fit. Regardless of how you feel about it. Favor brings an element of discomfort, favor leads to deep trust.

Mary lived into the blessing. She treasured things in her heart and she said YES when God called her.

Oh that we all may become more like Mary. More willing to go through pain and shame to bring about the kingdom of God.